


Hold Me

by Marie_Tomas



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Affection, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Bathing/Washing, Bubble Bath, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Sex, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Protective Alec Lightwood, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 22:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12467472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Tomas/pseuds/Marie_Tomas
Summary: As their relationship develops, Magnus and Alec start sharing a regular 'Special Request Night', where one can ask the other to indulge in something new that they want to try, whether the request is sexual or romantic.One night, Alec is a little surprised by Magnus's nervous request for Alec to 'just hold him', but to Magnus's delight, he does his best to be a good boyfriend and give Magnus exactly what he wants. The cuddling leads to the two of them opening up a little more to each other.





	Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> Set within the canon Shadowhunters universe, although it's not set within any specific episode or timeline.
> 
> It's basically just lots and lots of fluff (I felt like I needed to write something soft and fluffy after reading a few angst-filled stories lately). I apologize in advance for the tooth-rotting fluff!
> 
> There are a few references to sexual situations, but nothing really explicit.

Magnus sat facing away from Alec on his bed, feeling embarrassed.

"Magnus?" he could hear Alec prompting him from the other side of the bed, his voice sounding soft, gentle.

He then felt Alec's hand running soothingly up and down his back, a gesture that Alec often used when he knew that Magnus was tense about something.

Still, Magnus didn't turn around. He wasn't brave enough to look Alec right in the eye just yet, for fear that Alec would think that he was being ridiculous.

"Magnus?"

This time, Alec's voice might have sounded a little firmer, a little more authoritative, but Magnus could also sense the growing tension in Alec's question, the hint of concern in his voice.

Not wanting to worry Alec any further, Magnus turned around slowly, hesitantly, so that he was facing him. He felt more vulnerable than he had felt in a while, and he was sure that this vulnerability was obvious in his facial expression.

Magnus's sense of unease had started a few minutes ago after he had arrived home at his Brooklyn loft much later than he'd planned and he and Alec got into bed and started making plans for their upcoming Special Request Night, a night which Magnus still considered to be one of his most ingenious ideas.

Magnus had first come up with the idea of having nights like Special Request Night not long after he and Alec had taken the next step in their relationship and started having sex, as a way of getting Alec to lower his inhibitions and feel less embarrassed about asking for what he wanted in the bedroom (or in their relationship in general), as well as talking about anything new he wanted to try.

The basic premise was that Alec would ask in advance for something-anything, within reason-he wanted to do with Magnus, something he hadn't done before or something that he'd heard other couples talk about that he was curious about trying, and if Magnus agreed to his request, they would plan a night when they were both free from the commitments of clients or the Institute in order to indulge in the request. The main aim was that a request could be put out there without fear of mockery or judgement.

Magnus found that Special Request Night usually worked for Alec, because he liked to plan things out and research new ideas in his daily life anyway, so he seemed to like the organisation and directness of it; he liked the routine and the planning that it brought, while Magnus just enjoyed the excuse to get to have sex with Alec more often.

These nights weren't all about sex, though. Sometimes, Alec asked for them to do more innocent things, like trying new restaurants or bars together, visiting exotic places, having a candle-lit dinner together at the loft after a long day, or watching a couple of Alec's favorite movies together, and he'd even asked Magnus to give him a massage one evening (although that had quickly turned into sex, so Magnus knew he couldn't really count that as a sex-free night).

Yet as Alec had got more comfortable in the bedroom, his requests had definitely got more and more sexual, from trying out new positions to experimenting with roleplay and dirty talk. Alec's request to try out bondage one night had gone down especially well, leading to many further 'bondage requests', to the point where Magnus was now seriously thinking about just introducing 'Bondage Night' as its own separate occasion a few times a month, so they could free up Special Request Night a little for other things.

However, Magnus had always suspected that Alec wouldn't be comfortable for long with allowing Magnus to give him indulgent nights like these indefinitely (as much as Magnus enjoyed them, too) without encouraging Magnus to ask for something in return, or without being able to return the favor in some way.

Magnus's theory was proved correct when earlier tonight, Alec had decided that Magnus should be able to have  _his_  turn to ask for what he wanted on Special Request Night, too, which had led them to this awkward discussion where for once,  _Magnus_  was the one who was embarrassed about asking for what he wanted; right now, he could barely look Alec in the eye or put his request into words.

"Magnus, come on, what is it?" Alec prompted him, bringing Magnus back into the present moment.

Alec sat up slowly in bed to stare at Magnus intently, which only served to heighten Magnus's sense of embarrassment and unease.

"Anything I want?" Magnus asked him, for clarification, feeling uncertain and still unsure as to how Alec would react to his request.

"Anything," Alec reassured him with a nod, still looking intense and serious.

"Can you…can you just…" Magnus began to ask.

Alec continued to stare at Magnus, waiting patiently for Magnus to finish his sentence. Magnus was only able to continue speaking when Alec took his hand and squeezed it gently, another of his methods for offering reassurance.

"C-can you just hold me?"

The words were spoken in barely more than a whisper, and Magnus kept his head bowed the whole time he spoke, still feeling too nervous to look at Alec directly, for fear that Alec would laugh at him, or out of fear that he wouldn't really understand what he was asking for, but he knew that Alec had heard him clearly, because as he looked up, slowly, he saw Alec's eyes widen a little in apparent shock, and he seemed to be struggling to find a response.

"You…uh…you mean like…cuddling?" Alec asked, sounding unsure.

Magnus's eyes quickly flickered to Alec's, searching for any signs of mockery or judgement-the kind of exasperated look he was sure many of his exes would have worn at such a request-but to Magnus's relief, he didn't detect any scorn or disdain in Alec's expression. His boyfriend simply looked a little confused, like he wasn't completely sure if Magnus really  _was_  just asking for cuddling.

"That's exactly what I mean, Alexander," he confirmed.

Unable to help himself, Magnus started to blush. He knew that it would seem strange to Alec, especially when Alec knew how relaxed and open he usually was when it came to flirting and dating and talking about sex, never even batting an eyelid when they indulged in dirty talk and more kinky positions, and he knew how comfortable Magnus was with his own sexuality; but the truth was that cuddling and holding hands and sharing affectionate gestures with a partner were still thoughts that reduced Magnus Bane to a blushing mess.

He knew that he could put this down to years of closing himself off from real love or affection before he met Alec, but he also knew that it ran a little deeper than that; that his embarrassment about truly letting go and being vulnerable when it came to physical affection went back much earlier than his more recent years of deliberately avoiding intimacy. He was sure he could trace it back to all of the one night stands, when he would wake up the next morning only to feel a crushing disappointment when he noticed that the other side of the bed was empty, knowing that he'd been used for sex yet again; he could also trace it back to the years of mockery from certain exes whenever he asked for more physical intimacy, when he wished for more cuddles in bed or more physical contact during the day but instead ended up sleeping on his own.

"Just cuddling? Nothing else?" Alec asked with a frown.

Magnus had a feeling that Alec perhaps believed that Magnus was holding back on asking for something that he  _really_  wanted, that he thought Magnus wanted to ask for something much more indulgent or explicit, but the truth was that for Magnus, sex wasn't as much of a novelty as it was for Alec. For Magnus, sex had always been easy to find; affection not so much. Of course, he loved having sex with Alec (it was the best he had ever had in his long life), and he always looked forward to being with Alec, but after years of meaningless sex, Magnus wanted much more intimacy out of a relationship, and he already knew that Alec was the only person he wanted to share this intimacy with.

Besides, deep down, Magnus had been longing to share those deep, affectionate gestures with Alec for a while, and he could think of nothing more perfect than just letting go after a long day, being vulnerable for once and being held in Alec's strong arms as he slept. He'd just been too embarrassed to ask directly for it, simply enjoying their brief moments of affection after sex or the little touches and moments of closeness in between their day to day duties, until this moment when Alec had given him an opportunity by telling Magnus to request something of his own for Special Request Night.

"Magnus, are you sure?" Alec asked him, looking doubtful. "I mean, you can have anything you want…and we've done some pretty kinky stuff on my Special Request Nights," he finished with a deep blush of his own.

"I'm sure, Alexander," Magnus confirmed with another blush.

"Uh…okay…." Alec replied to Magnus's confirmation, still sounding a little surprised at Magnus's request. "I can do that, I mean, we can do that. Does tomorrow night sound good?"

"Tomorrow night sounds perfect, Alexander," Magnus agreed.

He still felt a little embarrassed, but as he and Alec drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help grinning to himself in anticipation of what tomorrow night would bring.

* * *

The following evening, Magnus arrived home a little later than he'd hoped after a long day of dealing with awkward clients. He was so tired and irritated by the day's demands that all discussions from last night had been temporarily driven from his mind.

As he entered the apartment, he let out an exasperated sigh, and he was just about to start pacing up and down the living room while ranting about his clients' annoying demands as he waited for Alec to emerge to comfort him from whatever room of the apartment he appeared to be hiding in, when he caught sight of Alec heading towards him, a determined glint in his eye.

Magnus expected Alec to greet him with a kiss-their typical way of saying hello after a day apart-but surprisingly, Alec pulled him into a hug instead, holding him tight. Not that Magnus was complaining; he would never pass up on an opportunity to be held in Alec's arms, especially when the embrace made him feel so safe, so secure…he just wasn't sure what had brought it on.

After only a few seconds, Magnus automatically started to pull away from the embrace, as Alec rarely initiated long, drawn out hugs, but for some strange reason, Alec grumbled in protest into Magnus's neck and held on a little tighter, like he was reluctant to let Magnus go.

"Just a little longer, okay?" Alec whispered in Magnus's ear, like he was seeking permission, checking that this was okay.

Magnus nodded as he relaxed back into Alec's embrace, feeling a little confused, but not confused enough to pass up on the opportunity to hug Alec for a little longer, especially after such a long, exhausting day.

"Well, this is new," Magnus remarked when Alec finally pulled away. "Not that I'm complaining," he added hastily when Alec frowned at him, looking a little hurt.

Alec looked like he was about to say something in response or launch into an explanation about something or other, when they were both distracted by the sound of the oven timer, and the faint smell of burning.

"Dammit!" Alec cried out as he headed in the direction of the kitchen.

Magnus followed him with a confused frown. "You cooked?" he asked Alec with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…uh…I tried to," Alec blushed as he surveyed the slightly burned tray of food with a frown.

"You know I have magic for that?" Magnus asked, trying to fight off a grin at just how flustered Alec looked.

"Yeah, I know, I uh…just wanted to do something nice," he shrugged, blushing even harder.

Magnus couldn't help grinning affectionately this time. He wanted to ask what all this was about, but as Alec looked so stressed out already, he decided to just go with it for now and enjoy what was left of their meal.

As they ate, Alec asked Magnus to tell him about his day. Magnus suddenly found that he wasn't as angry as he thought he would be about his annoying clients today, not when he was sharing a meal with Alec-a meal that Alec had cooked for him (it felt like years since someone had last cooked for him) and Alec even let Magnus feed him a couple bites of food from his fork, even though he usually got all awkward and embarrassed when Magnus tried this intimate gesture, and often refused to take part in it.

After dinner, Alec encouraged Magnus to go spend a little time on the balcony, to look at the view and the stars, the way Magnus liked to do after dinner or after a busy day, usually taking a large glass of wine with him as he breathed in the night air, taking a few soothing sips of his drink as he tried to collect his thoughts.

He half-hoped that Alec would join him this time, but Alec mumbled a few words about having something important to take care of, and he disappeared back into the apartment after a couple of minutes.

Magnus sipped his drink, trying not to wonder too much about what Alec was up to. He simply assumed that Alec had work to do, no doubt some important 'Shadowhunter business'-research that couldn't wait until morning that he needed to work on in private in the apartment.

After a little while, Magnus heard the faint sound of Alec's footsteps on the balcony, and to his surprise, he felt his Shadowhunter's strong arms wrap around his waist, holding him firmly. Not wanting to ruin the moment, Magnus simply leaned a little further back into Alec's embrace, allowing himself to enjoy the moment. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he whispered almost to himself as he continued to gaze up at the stars, feeling happy that Alec seemed to have the time to appreciate the view with him, for once.

"Beautiful," he heard Alec agree with a whisper, although when Magnus turned around a little to look at him, he couldn't help noticing that Alec wasn't actually looking up at the sky.

Alec was the one to interrupt Magnus's thoughts. "I have a surprise for you," he mumbled into Magnus's neck, before he kissed the skin under Magnus's ear.

"A surprise?" Magnus asked in confusion, shivering a little at the feel on Alec's lips on his skin.

Instead of offering an explanation, Alec simply held out his hand to Magnus and said, "Magnus, come on, you'll love it," while Magnus tried not to look too shocked by the gesture.

It definitely felt a little strange, Magnus thought, to be holding Alec's hand as Alec led him through the apartment and in the direction of the bathroom. Not that that it didn't feel nice, it was just that up to now they hadn't been the kind of couple who casually held hands in apartments or across dinner tables, or even the kind of couple who walked the streets of Brooklyn with their arms around each other. They usually only held hands in the bedroom. Magnus had never really pictured Alec as the hand-holding-in-public type and had therefore never really pushed for this kind of gesture. But that didn't stop him from appreciating the gesture right now, in the moment, as their fingers intertwined.

As soon as Alec led him into the bathroom, Magnus noticed that Alec had run him a bath, complete with bubbles and scented candles and all the other 'girly stuff' (as Alec often called it).

Magnus couldn't help feeling a little happy that this is what Alec had been preparing while he was on the balcony, rather than obsessively throwing himself into some task for the Clave.

"So…uh…do you like it?" Alec asked him nervously with a faint blush as he gestured towards the bathtub, reminding Magnus of the shy, nervous Alexander Lightwood who he had first been enchanted with not so long ago. That side of Alec was still there, just under the surface, eager to learn while still fearful of doing something wrong.

"It looks perfect, Alexander," Magnus grinned at him in appreciation. "Thank you."

Magnus noticed that Alec grinned shyly, looking pleased with himself. Magnus found this caring, eager-to-please side of Alec adorable.

"Feel free to relax in the apartment while I'm enjoying this surprise, Alexander," Magnus assured him, not wanting Alec to get bored. "I'm probably going to be in this bath for a while…" Already Magnus couldn't wait to settle down among the bubbles and the candles and relax.

"Well…uh…actually…I thought we could maybe…" Alec stammered, blushing all over again as he looked like he was struggling to get the words out. "I thought we could maybe uh…take a bath together?"

Magnus felt his eyes widen a little in surprise. The two of them never took baths together. In fact, although Alec seemed to appreciate the fact that Magnus enjoyed relaxing evenings in the tub with exotic bubble baths and expensive shampoos, Magnus had always been under the impression that this was the very last thing that  _Alec_  wanted to do. Alec was all about efficiency and practicality, preferring to take quick showers when he was staying over at Magnus's apartment so as not to waste too much time.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Alec added hastily, apparently interpreting Magnus's shocked expression as a reluctance on Magnus's part for the two of them to bathe together.

"Alexander," Magnus interrupted him, grabbing onto Alec's arm before he could head out of the bathroom. "Of course I want to." He just wasn't sure why  _Alec_  wanted to.

After a little initial difficulty and a lot of strategic planning for how this was going to work-the bathtub wasn't exactly huge, after all, and Alec was pretty tall, and Alec kept insisting that Magnus looked way too tired to use his magic to help them out-they finally managed to settle into a comfortable position.

As Magnus leaned further back into Alec's chest, and Alec's arms tightened a little around his waist, holding him more securely in place, and he thought about how this was the third time that he had been held by Alec tonight, a realization hit Magnus. He suddenly remembered last night's conversation with his boyfriend, when he'd requested that Alec just hold him, and he thought again about how many times Alec had been affectionate with him over the past hour or so, with the hugs and the hand-holding and now the shared bath, and it suddenly became clear that this was all about Alec fulfilling Magnus's 'Special Request'. It was just like Alec to plan a whole elaborate night themed around this request, rather than just starting out with more plain-and-simple cuddling in bed.

Alec's behavior and his desire to take a bath with Magnus were starting to make a little more sense.

In spite of how perfect the bath with Alec was, Magnus couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that all the shared affection this evening was simply a part of Magnus's Special Request, and therefore probably wouldn't be repeated any time soon. Yet as Alec started to run his hands up and down Magnus's body as he washed him, his movements a little unsteady at first, but gradually growing more sure, and then he reached for the nearest bottle of shampoo, giving Magnus an amazing scalp massage as he washed his hair, Magnus decided to just enjoy all the affection while it lasted. Alec was doing such a good job, after all.

Eventually, the water stared to get a little cold and the two of them ended up getting out of the bath, both standing on the bathroom floor with a towel wrapped around their waist.

Magnus couldn't help yawning. The combination of the warm bath water and the feeling of being held in Alec's arms had left him feeling pleasantly sleepy.

"You ready for bed?" Alec asked him with an affectionate smile.

Magnus simply nodded, feeling almost too tired to walk. He let out another yawn.

"I could…uh…I could carry you, if you want to? If you're too tired to walk?" Alec asked him, quietly, sounding a little embarrassed.

Magnus raised his eyebrow at Alec, still surprised at this offer (even though he now knew why Alec was being more affectionate tonight), as Alec had never carried him to bed before.

He thought that he should maybe protest a little, insist that he was too heavy, that he could walk to the bedroom just fine, that he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn and strong and powerful and didn't need to be carried like some damsel in distress, but he just couldn't bring himself to refuse, not when Alec was offering like this, sounding so nervous but so eager, not when Alec's arms were always so strong, so steady.

As Magnus nodded in agreement, Alec easily took Magnus into his arms and lifted him off his feet, carrying him bridal-style towards the bedroom. Sometimes Magnus forgot just how strong Alec was, how powerful a Shadowhunter he was.

There was definitely something arousing about the idea of Alec sweeping him off his feet like this, and he was already picturing Alec carrying him to the bedroom like this for a night of passionate sex; he was imagining wrapping his legs around Alec's waist, Alec lifting him up against the nearest wall, and he was already getting several ideas for their next Special Request night…

His eyes briefly met Alec's, and he could tell just by the look in those eyes that Alec was thinking along the same lines.

* * *

When Alec carried him through the bedroom door and set him down gently on the bed, Magnus instantly tried to initiate something more sexual by starting to remove his towel, and reaching up to Alec to try and bring him in closer. It was more out of habit than anything else, as things usually ended up getting heated late at night before they both fell asleep, or whenever they were walking around the loft half-naked.

This time, Alec held out a hand to stop him, his refusal gentle but firm.

"Magnus…you..uh…you wanted me to just hold you, remember?" he asked slowly, carefully. "We can do…other stuff tomorrow morning."

Magnus nodded, a little reluctlantly, but also determined to enjoy what was left of his night. After all, as soon as the clock struck midnight, Special Request Night would be over, and then cuddles with Alec might not be so readily available, especially when they both fell into their work routines and Alec was distracted by family and his other duties and Magnus had to deal with the demands of clients.

They both changed into their pajamas, and then Alec settled on his back in bed. He held his arms out to Magnus, a little hesitantly, still looking like he was a little unsure if he was doing this right.

"Come here," he whispered to Magnus, his voice sounding a little hoarse.

Trying not to blush or feel embarrassed, Magnus moved slowly, nervously into Alec's arms, allowing Alec to pull him closer against his body, allowing Alec to hold him securely.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed, I want this, too," Alec whispered in Magnus's ear as Magnus tried to fight off his blushes and his rapidly increasing heartbeat. The words were an echo of Magnus's words to Alec, back when they had first started having sex and Alec always got embarrassed as their touches and kisses became more heated and they started to take each other's clothes off.

It still felt a little strange, to simply be cuddling with Alec, not just because Magnus hadn't really indulged in long cuddle sessions with a romantic partner for what felt like years, but also because for once, the two of them simply had the time to lie there and relax and enjoy it, without anything else going on.

Magnus half-expected Alec to move away at any moment, or for his phone to ring or for some sort of distraction to come up, but the minutes ticked by and still the two of them stayed firmly wrapped up in each other's embrace.

Yet for all the strange sensations that Magnus felt, as he nuzzled his nose into Alec's neck and Alec wrapped his arms firmly around his waist, Magnus also couldn't help feeling like he had finally come back home after a long day.

"You comfortable?" Alec asked him in barely more than a whisper as he pulled the covers around the two of them, still sounding unsure, or like he still wasn't doing enough to fulfil his part of the request.

Magnus nodded, feeling like he had never been more comfortable in his life. "This is perfect, Alexander," Magnus whispered into Alec's neck, delighting in the sensation of being held in the arms of the man he loved, the feeling of a warm body pressed close to his as he relaxed and started to drift off to sleep. This was exactly what he had wanted when he first made the request. He only wished that Alec would hold him like this more often-that they could both let go and be more vulnerable like this more often.

After a little while, Alec started to run his hands slowly and soothingly up and down Magnus's back, his fingertips gently caressing Magnus's skin. As he basked in the sensations of the gentle touch, Magnus couldn't help letting out a sound that reminded him of the purrs of a cat. He would have felt embarrassed at his reactions, if not for the fond smile that he could see creeping onto Alec's face, and he could feel Alec laughing softly.

Magnus couldn't help grinning a little, too, and they both shared a laugh at how weird but wonderful this was, the two of them just lying comfortably in Magnus's bed and cuddling, sharing affection. Less than a year ago, Magnus had been certain that he would never have intimacy like this ever again. He wondered if Alec had thought the same thing not so long ago too.

Alec might have rolled his eyes jokingly at Magnus's happy sighs of contentment, but he continued to stroke gently up and down Magnus's back, even placing soft kisses on Magnus's forehead while Magnus wrapped a leg tighter around Alec's body, trying to bring the two of them closer together, if that was even possible.

Magnus felt loose, happy, content for the first time in weeks. He felt  _loved_. In this moment, he knew that Alec would protect him, take care of him, that he didn't have to worry about doing anyone else any favors or using his magic to the point of exhaustion or staying strong to protect those weaker than himself. It was nice, to just be able to let go for a little while.

"Thank you, Alexander," Magnus whispered as he placed a soft kiss on Alec's chest, right above his heart.

"You don't need to thank me," Alec shrugged, sounding a little surprised at Magnus's gratitude. "This is what boyfriends do, right?"

Magnus was about to say something about how not all boyfriends did this, or about how boyfriends should only do this if it was what they  _wanted_  to do, but he felt too tired to put his thoughts into words right now.

As much as he wanted to stay awake and enjoy the cuddling for a little longer, the temptation to sleep after a long day was too great. Magnus drifted off to sleep with a hand clasped almost possessively into Alec's T-shirt, like he was trying to keep him in place.

* * *

What must have only been a few hours later, Magnus woke up, feeling drowsy and confused. It took him a couple seconds to work out what was different about the situation, why he felt different than usual in his own bed, but then he felt the steady rise and fall of Alec's chest from under him and he suddenly remembered that he'd fallen asleep in Alec's arms.

Quickly, Magnus glanced at the clock by his bed, which informed him that it was now well past midnight and Special Request Night was therefore over.

Slowly and carefully, he untangled himself from Alec's embrace, quietly moving to the other side of the bed. Alec had given him the perfect Special Request Night, but now that it was over, Magnus didn't want Alec to wake up in the morning with Magnus still pressed up against him. Most of his previous partners had liked their own personal space in bed after all.

"Magnus, what are you doing?" he heard Alec sigh in the darkness, his voice sounding a little irritated.

"I'm sorry, Alexander, I didn't mean to wake you," Magnus whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"Uh…Magnus?" Alec continued, ignoring Magnus's command to just go back to sleep, even though he still sounded tired. "Why are you all the way over on the other side of the bed?"

"Well, Special Request Night is over, Alexander," Magnus replied with a soft sigh, "and I wanted to give you your spa-"

"Magnus, it doesn't matter," Alec cut him off, "get back over here."

Still feeling uncertain, Magnus moved hesitantly back into Alec's arms with a confused frown.

"Magnus, relax, I want this, " Alec insisted, apparently sensing Magnus's uncertainty.

After cuddling in silence for a few minutes, Alec started talking again.

"Magnus…" he started, taking a deep breath, like he was thinking carefully about how to put his thoughts into words, or like he was nervous about saying something. "I love you. And I like this…uh….I like cuddling with you, I mean; I like that you enjoy this, too…"

Magnus could practically feel the blush creeping onto Alec's face.

"It's just…uh…it's just that when you grow up as a Shadowhunter, affection like this isn't really seen as a priority. It's kind of seen as something impractical, something that gets in the way. And…uh…what I mean is, it's kinda not a natural instinct to me, to hold you like this, to just casually initiate physical contact…and you know that this is all new to me, and I'm not always gonna know if this is what you wanna do at the end of a long day, or sometimes I get so caught up in issues at the Institute that I just stop thinking straight. So, even though I enjoy it and want to do this with you, and I promise I'll try to do it more often, you might have to help me out a little and ask me for it sometimes; you might have to tell me directly that you want to hug or cuddle more or take baths together…"

Magnus felt his heart swell with pride as Alec gave his speech, feeling glad that Alec was being honest with him and also happy that he actually enjoyed the cuddling, too.

"I promise I'll try to be more honest with you about what I want, Alexander," Magnus agreed, reminding himself that this was Alec's first relationship and that he would still need to spell out to Alec exactly how he felt, in the same way that he always encouraged Alec to be honest with him.

"Anyway, you don't wanna use up your Special Request Night on this when we could just cuddle all the time anyway," Alec shrugged. "You should save it for something more…you know…"

"Kinky?" Magnus filled in with a smirk, enjoying the fact that Alec was the one who was clearly feeling awkward now that the discussion was about sex rather than affection.

"Uh…yeah…I guess," Alec mumbled, as he held Magnus tighter, still sounding embarrassed.

Magnus wanted to remind Alec that he didn't consider his Speical Request Night to have been a waste at all, but he was feeling too happy in the knowledge that Alec enjoyed cuddling with him, and too content in Alec's arms to push the issue right now.

Instead, he drifted back off to sleep, already looking forward to cuddling with Alec more often, and  _especially_  looking forward to putting in some blush-inducing request to Alec on his next Special Request Night…


End file.
